Holidays from Hell

Bedlam and Breakfast?

Written by Scot Meyer

SwitchYard Media, Inc. - email | website

Designed and produced by Kent Harris

Tin Can Rocket, Inc. - email | website

Scot Meyer

Crystal Lake (Friday the 13th)

This woodsy locale might look like a Boy Scout camp, but it's saddled with an unsavory history and an unfortunate nickname – Camp Blood. That doesn't exactly encourage parents to send little Joey for a summer sleepaway.

If you visit, by all means check out the lovely trees and sparkly lake. But if all that communing with nature makes you feel a little randy, think twice before unlacing your hiking boots.

It seems a little boy named Jason Voorhees drowned many years ago because a couple of irresponsible camp counselors were playing hide the salami, and his mom still gets a bit homicidal when youngsters get frisky. She'll do more than just go a little crazy – she'll really lose her head.

The Flick Friday the 13th

Film Location: Blairstown, N.J. among other places.

Where to Stay: You Boy Scouts out there can sign up for a summer of wholesome, all-American fun at Camp NoBeBoSco

While You're There: Grab a bite at the Blairstown Diner on Route 94 where Steve Christ wiled away the evening as his camp counselors were slaughtered.

Scot Meyer

Slovakia (Hostel)

Sure, Amsterdam's got a Red Light District and legal marijuana, but insiders will tell you that Slovakia's the place for good, wholesome illicit fun without spending your last koruna.

So, if you're a horny backpacker on a budget, grab a few friends, find a cheap hostel outside of Bratislava and let the hedonistic games begin.

You'll meet hot promiscuous women who love tourists and know how to part. The bad news is that if you imbibe too much, the next morning can be torture.

The Flick Hostel

Film Location: Czech Republic and Germany.

Where to Stay: Head to Český Krumlov, a UNESCO World Heritage site in the Czech Republic, where you can check into Hostel 99.

While You're There: It's said that the soul of Perchta Von Rosenberg, the "White Lady," roams Český Krumlov castle, but beware if she shows up in black gloves.

Patrickneil (CC 3.0)

New York City Subway (Midnight Meat Train)

Whether you credit Rudy Guiliani or an improved city economy, there is no question that New York's subterranean transportation system is a lot safer than it was back in the bad old days of chain snatchers and vigilante shooters.

Heck, some subway stations have lost so much of their New York grit that they wouldn't look out of place in L.A. As if!

Tourists will find the subway a handy way to get around, and photographers will definitely find it photogenic. But while its generally safe to flash an iPod in the subway these days, you shouldn't let your guard down completely. You never know who you might meat.

The Flick Midnight Meat Train

Film Location: California, including the LA Metro.

Where to Stay: Why waste money on a hotel when you can plop down at the venerable dive bar, Subway Inn on East 60th.

While You're There: Visit New York's Meat Packing District. You can take the subway! Get off at the 14th Street station.

Jim Reynolds (CC 2.0)

Barrow, Alaska (30 Days of Night)

Tired of sandy beaches, sunshine and warm summer days? You'll love it in the far northern reaches of Alaska, where it's always cold and can be very, very, very dark.

OK, truth is this flick was filmed in New Zealand, but Barrow is the place to go if you want to catch up on your sleep -- though we can't promise peace and quiet.

Go during the right winter month and there'll be no real sunrise to contend with, which means no morning-after regrets. Of course, a place that's cast in darkness for a full month has some drawbacks. You don’t believe in vampires, do you?

The Flick 30 Days of Night

Film Location: New Zealand.

Where to Stay: Chill out at Barrow's Top of the World Hotel for a great view of the Arctic.

While You're There: Bring a scarf because the daily minimum temperature is below zero 324 days a year. And don't drop your cellphone.

Medicaster

Appalachian Mountains/Caves (The Descent)

Skiers like the Rockies, but the slightly less rugged Appalachians have attractions of their own, including a vast network of caves perfect for spelunking.

It turns out that cave-diving is a great way to get away from the pressures of civilization and bond with your gal pals, especially if you've visiting from the U.K. and have already done the whole whitewater rafting thing.

The bad news is that caves can be dangerous and the tourist brochures devote scant attention to cave-ins and – how to say this? – bloodthirsty mole people.

The Flick The Descent

Film Location: England and Scotland.

Where to Stay: The cabins and campgrounds of lovely Shenandoah National Park in Virginia.

While You're There: You'll certainly want to clip on a head-lamp and go spelunking.

Scot Meyer

Remote Scottish Island (The Wicker Man)

The remote Hebridean island of Summerisle has all the scenic beauty of Scottish locations such as Burrow Head and Isle of Whithorn. Plus it's got a unique culture you might appreciate if you believe in magic.

The locals believe in reincarnation, worship the sun and practice a sexy kind of paganism.

A word of warning, however: When anxiety over the harvest is high, visitors -- especially cops and virgins -- may want to steer clear.

The Flick The Wicker Man

Film Location: Scotland.

Where to Stay: Ohhhh ... the lovely Isle of Whithorn, in "a picturesque and unspoilt part of Dumfries and Galloway," where hote

While You're There: I'd head to the nearest distillery, but that's just me. Or you can tour Culzean Castle near Maybole on the Ayrshire coast.

Geraint Owen (CC 2.0)

Transylvania (Dracula)

This mountainous region of Romania will enthrall history buffs with its medieval cities, many castles and its connections to the Roman Empire, the Hun Empire, the Bulgarian Empire and the Austro-Hungarian Empire.

Despite its rich history and even richer mineral resources, though, Transylvania's reputation quite literally sucks. Why? Because just the name Transylvania conjures up Bram Stroker's Count Dracula, a blood-sucking, undead vampire freak who lives in a castle and has a fondness for tender neck flesh.

So if you're planning on a visit, ignore all that gothic nonsense. But pack a crucifix and a few extra cloves of garlic just in case.

The Flick Dracula

Film Location: California and England.

Where to Stay: The creepy castles frequented by Vlad the Impaler in the heart of the Transylvanian countryside.

While You're There: A ritual killing of the living dead, perhaps? Try the tour.

Denise Mayumi (CC 2.0)

The Amazon (Cannibal Holocaust)

Amazing biodiversity is the main attraction of the rain-drenched forests of the Amazon, which are richer in plant and animal species than comparable jungles in Africa and Asia.

So by all means explore the local flora and fauna when you visit the rainforests in Colombia. Checking out the exotic humans in some of the remote areas of the country might not be such a great idea, however.

It's not that the local tribes are averse to foreign tourists and the occasional documentary film maker. Members of the Yanomamo and Shamatari tribes may not like each other, but they love visitors from America. They appreciate our good taste.

The Flick Cannibal Holocaust

Film Location: Colombia.

Where to Stay: Bunk with the Yanomomi in the heart of the Amazon.

While You're There: Fishing, trekking, avoiding poisonous snakes.

Scot Meyer

Overlook Hotel (The Shining)

This stately hotel in the Colorado Rockies closely resembles Oregon's Timberline Lodge, a a National Historic Landmark that was built on the south side of Mount Hood during the late 1930s and dedicated by President Franklin D. Roosevelt. But one word of advice: Stay away from Room 237. And don't make the caretaker axe you twice.

The Overlook Hotel has attractions that the Timberline doesn't -- a giant hedge maze for one ... and ghosts.

Plan your visit during spring, summer or fall. Its remote up here, which means the Overlake is closed for the winter, allowing caretaker Jack Torrance to work on his novel. And doesn't take kindly to interruptions. On the lighter side, Jack does a killer impression of Tonight Show sidekick Ed McMahon.

The Flick The Shining

Film Location: Oregon, Colorado, New Hampshire and elsewhere.

Where to Stay: The Timberline Lodge on the south side of Mount Hood in Oregon, built by the WPA during the Great Depression.

While You're There: If you dare, hit the slopes. Mount Hood has the longest ski season in the country.

Jennifer Boyer (CC 2.0)

Amity Island (Jaws)

Summer tourism is the main industry at this East Coast beach town, which looks a lot like Martha's Vineyard, Mass. Unfortunately, the importance of those visitors means that one hungry shark can threaten the whole economy -- and you thought the sub-prime mortgage crisis was bad!

If you go, enjoy the white sand beaches and the mild summer weather. Skinny dipping late at night may be a little risqué, though ... and even braving the Atlantic surf amid the Fourth of July crowds has its drawbacks.

Sailing and fishing might be safer pursuits. But if you decide to charter a vessel and head out to in search of rogue great white sharks, remember this: You're going to need a bigger boat.

The Flick Jaws

Film Location: Martha's Vineyard, Mass. and Australia.

Where to Stay: XXXXXXXXXXXX

While You're There: XXXXXXXXXXXX

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